For many families, one of the toughest conversations you’ll ever have with an aging parent or grandparent is about their driving. When dementia starts to set in, it can quietly affect judgment, reaction time, and awareness. These three things are critical behind the wheel.
And here’s the hard part: while some older adults realize it’s time to stop driving and hand over the keys, others don’t see the changes happening. To them, driving still feels like a sign of freedom and control over their own lives.
At Farrell and Grochowski, we often talk with families facing this very challenge. If you’re not sure how or when to act, you’re not alone.
Why Driving With Dementia Is a Real Concern
As dementia progresses, it can impact decision-making, memory, coordination, and the ability to react to sudden changes on the road. Even simple things like navigating familiar routes or staying in the right lane can become difficult or dangerous.
No one wants to imagine their loved one causing a serious accident or being injured themselves. But that’s why having this conversation early on matters. It’s not just about your loved one’s safety; it’s about protecting others on the road too.
Starting the Conversation (Without Starting a Fight)
This is a delicate subject, so it’s important to approach it with empathy and patience. Don’t make it about blame or control. Instead, share what you’ve noticed. Say things like:
“I’ve seen a few close calls lately, and I’m worried about your safety.”
“Let’s talk about what we can do so you can still get around safely.”
Offer up practical alternatives, and make them feel like real options:
- Local senior shuttle services or public transportation
- Uber or Lyft (maybe even set it up on their phone)
- Help from family and friends with errands
- Grocery delivery or online prescription services
Sometimes the fear isn’t just about giving up the car, it’s about losing connection. Reassure them that they’ll still have freedom and support.
When Kindness Needs to Be Matched With Firmness
In some cases, just talking isn’t enough. Driving can be deeply tied to someone’s sense of identity, and giving it up can feel like losing part of themselves.
If your loved one is resistant, it’s okay to be both gentle and firm. Remind them that this isn’t about punishment. It’s about protection. For everyone.
And remember, not all towns have easy transportation options. In those cases, families may need to get creative and take turns helping with rides or setting up a routine that still feels normal for your loved one.
A Doctor Can Help Guide the Way
Sometimes, it helps to bring in a trusted doctor or health professional. They may be able to provide a more neutral opinion and carry a little more weight when emotions run high.
Doctors can:
- Evaluate whether someone is safe to drive
- Recommend they stop driving (this can help with DMV requirements)
- In some states, report unsafe drivers to the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV)
This takes the pressure off the family and brings the decision into a more official space, especially when safety is a real concern.
When You Can’t Wait Any Longer
There are times when it becomes clear that the person should no longer be driving, but they still insist on doing it. If they’re putting themselves or others at risk, it may be time for immediate action.
This might include:
- Taking away the car keys
- Disabling the vehicle
- Filing a report with the DMV
- Involving law enforcement, if necessary
Yes, this can cause friction. But safety sometimes has to come first.
What We Can Do to Help
If you’re not sure where the legal line is, or how to protect your loved one without creating conflict, we can help. At Farrell and Grochowski, we regularly work with families on:
- Power of attorney and decision-making support
- Guardianship or conservatorship when needed
- Your rights and options for protecting a vulnerable adult
- Avoiding legal liability if an accident occurs
We know these situations are never simple. That’s why we offer clear, compassionate guidance every step of the way.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Dealing with dementia and driving is hard but you’re not the only family going through it. And you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.
Whether you just need advice, legal backup, or help with next steps, we’re here to support you.
Contact Farrell and Grochowski today: https://farrellandgrochowski.com to talk with an experienced elder law attorney who understands what you’re facing, and can help you move forward with confidence and care.
